A Relationship with my Father

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My father passed away a few months ago. Two days before Christmas. Obviously there is never a good time to deal with this but with him passing during the Christmas season it seemed to make it harder. Although I can’t imagine it would have been any easier to deal with had it been any other time of the year.

My parents divorced when I was just 2 ½ years old and due to the fact that Dad was in the Air Force and stationed at various military bases around the country me and my older brother saw very little of him growing up. We grew up in Missouri as Dad found himself stationed in assorted locations in the US including stops in Florida and an extended period of time in Hawaii.

From the time of my parent’s divorce until my mid 20’s I guess I only saw Dad a handful of times. No school events, no ball games, or either of my graduations from high school or college included my father.

Needless to say we didn’t really have much of a relationship. We talked about him being Dad but he didn’t seem like my Dad. He was my father and I knew he was out there somewhere but that was about it.

But then one year while Dad was living in Arizona he came back to Missouri to see me and my brother. My brother was married and had two boys so Dad got to see them and I was about to get married so Dad got to meet my bride to be. We had a great time but I must say it was a little awkward. Kind of hard to know what to talk about since I didn’t really know his world and he didn’t know mine. But still a good time.

A year or so later Dad came back for another visit and this time it was much easier to be around him. We shared memories from his last visit and talked about what all had happened since we had been together last. And when he left to go back to Tucson it was hard to see him go.

It seems he missed a year or two after that but then he started coming back each year and did so for the next 16 years without missing a single year. He would fly into Oklahoma City where I lived with my family and he would spend a few days with us. We would play golf, fish, watch old movies, go get ice cream, or just sit and talk. Then after a few days with me and my family, Dad and I would head out to meet up with my brother. The rendezvous spot was always at one of our favorite fishing holes. Places like Roaring River or Angler’s Paradise made the perfect place for the three of us to meet. Dad could set for hours as my brother and I shared old stories of high school pranks, sporting events, or various occasions that he missed by us being separated during those years.

I might have gone there to fish but much more than that happened. A relationship with my father is what happened. No sooner as one visit would end we would start planning the next. And over the years the greetings got sweeter and sweeter and the goodbyes got harder and harder. A relationship that had been missing for so long was now a real part of my life.

This story of my relationship with my father seems to mirror my relationship with my heavenly Father.

Very early on in my life God seemed to be in the picture. My Mom would take me and my brother to church and eventually I got involved in some of the children’s events at church. Later as more of my friends started attending the same church we did several things as a group. But to be honest it was more of a “social” event than a “spiritual” one. So once school and friends provided the social interaction I needed I stop going to church. And that seemed to end any possible relationship with God.

At church they talked a lot about God being God but He didn’t seem like he was my God. I guess I learned enough during my time at church that I knew that God was out there somewhere but that was about it.

Fast forward several years later to a time in my life where some folks took the time to introduce me once again to God. But this time they introduced me directly to Him and not to a church or a religion.

And being reunited with God was a little bit little like being reunited with my Dad. It was a little awkward being around God. I didn’t really know what to say and I didn’t feel we had anything in common. I didn’t know much at all about his world and I didn’t feel he knew much about mine.

But over time that would change. The more I learned about His world I realized He actually did know a lot about mine. He knew how I felt about things. He knew my desires and the things I was passionate about. He knew what I wanted and what I needed and in time He showed me the difference in them. He showed me His love through the people that loved me and in the things He created.

And I learned about Him too. I learned what He loved and what He didn’t. I learned about His mercy and his grace and a lot about His forgiveness.

But the greatest thing I learned was that during the time that we didn’t seem to have a relationship at all, His greatest desire was that we would. Again, a lot like my Dad.

And just like Dad, the more I was around God and the more our relationship grew the more I wanted to be around Him. I look forward to learning more about Him, talking to Him, and more importantly listening to Him. We finally have the relationship that He wanted all along. Or at least we are getting closer to it.

I miss my Dad. And I always will. But I am so thankful for the relationship we were able to build over the last 20 years of his life.

And I am saddened by the thought of all the years I missed having a relationship with my heavenly Father. But I am so thankful that He was standing there waiting for me when I was ready to have a relationship with Him.